Parents Of Suicide
Writings Library

Laura Duffy
April 24, 2000

I lost my precious son, Ricky, on Feb.19, 2000. It was a total shock to us.

We knew he was upset over his girlfriend, but for weeks he seemed okay. He didn't show any signs of depression. She had broke up with him a month before. But they were still talking all the time, and she was, I guess, just stringing him along. She even came over on the 15th and they exchanged Valentine gifts.

His friends told me later, that she had been being mean to him. And that she had told him she didn't love him and made sure he knew it. My precious son. He really loved her, and she broke his little heart.

His sister and I were gone to a girl scout function, and my husband (his step-dad) was gone running errands. Ricky had been grounded from the computer (well just online) and he got his privileges back that day, so my husband thought he'd be on the computer anyway.

Anyway, from what we could piece together. He got up and showered and got dressed like he always did, even on the weekend. He ate lunch, checked the mail (about 12:30), got on the computer a few times. And then around 1, talked to his ex girlfriend, and then got off the phone, found Toms gun (the gun and clip were in 2 different places) and layed on his bed and shot himself in the head.

I got home around 2:30, and went and knocked on his door and walked in like I always did, and walked into a nightmare. I haven't woke up from yet. It was the most horrible site I've ever seen. I see it all day long and at night while I try to fall asleep.

The girl claims they didn't even argue. But one of his friends had called on the other line, while he was talking to her, and he told her he was fixin to b*tch her out, and then they'd argue. I think he probably found out she was seeing someone else.

Anyway, she broke my baby’s heart. A large part of me died that day. I'll never be the same again.

We had been living about 5 hours from my family. We were staying in that town (for 1 1/2 years. we moved there when my husbands dad was dying) because Ricky wanted to graduate there, but after he died we moved back to where we had lived for most of our lives, and around family. This is also where we buried Ricky.

We moved back only 2 weeks later. I talk to some of his friends on the computer a lot. Ricky was the last person anyone expected to ever do this. He was always happy. And he was always keeping his friends cheered up. He had even helped a couple of them past suicidal thoughts themselves, made them see how much they had to live for.

I found out later, about a month afterwards, that my 8 year old daughter, Brittany, had also looked in the room and saw Ricky. I had got up and shut the door, but I guess she heard me freaking out and looked in before I had the sense to shut the door.

My son was a very popular, good-looking boy/young man. He was on the football team, he was just starting on the soccer team. There just weren't any signs that he would end his life. Everyone has always told me what good kids I have. He was a great son.

For years, before I had his sister, it was only he and I. He was my life, my only reason for living till I had his sister. And then he was still a major part of it. My kids have always been my life.

My son would have been 16 on April 13th. That was really hard to get through. And then of course, Easter yesterday. Him and his sister were very close. We were all very close.

I know his ex-girlfriend must have said something really hurtful for Ricky to do this. He had told a friend of his the night before that he was going to do it, because he didn't want to live if he couldn't have Lauren's love. And she thought she had talked him out of it, so she didn't call us. He just wasn't the type you'd think would ever do something like this.

Written By:
Laura Duffy
Ricky's Mom
4/13/84- 2/19/2000